Many, I believe, has been let down by their best friends at least once in their life. And the feeling...
No one can exactly describe how painful it is.
Broken
Abandoned
Betrayed
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Lost
Anguish
Alone
I'm not proud to say I've been through this situation. It was an emotional hell for me. In my case, she knew something was wrong. But what breaks me was, she never went the extra mile to try to reach out to me.
Most of the time, their reason will be...
Is this a feasible excuse?
Can you accept this?
Aren't we as busy as they are? Probably more?
When we are at our life limit,
When there is no more line to hold on,
When life itself crumble bit by bit,
Can you accept the word "busy"?
Best Friend: "I'm sorry. I'm so busy right now. I'm swamped. My hands are full, my hair is full. I know you'll understand. You've been through my situation too right?"
And then we back down for awhile. Decaying in the brokenness of our life after being pushed away. A few days later,
Us: "Hi there, can we meet? I kinda need to talk to you about something"
Best Friend: "Sorry, I have a meeting tonight. Tomorrow there is this thing. The next day, I got a plan. How about we meet for dinner? Natalie and Hailey will be joining cause I cant drive"
Us: "Its ok. Maybe next time"
What part of "I kinda need to talk to you about something" you don't understand that it is something personal to talk to? And yes, we back down again, keeping the thing inside us eating us alive inside out.
Waking up every morning seems heavier and heavier. Dragging our legs behind with every fake face we wear. Until we can no longer hold on, we fall into the emptiness. Knowing that someone we stood up for in their times of need, simply push us aside because they were busy.
There are 5 stages of a broken friendship...
The first is denial. The first reaction this loss. This stage can last a few hours, days, or even a few weeks. "She really is busy. Her works are up her and there. Its just for the time being. Later, I'll try to get her when she's not" Then you knew she went out with someone else. "They needed my help. I promised them already. They're our friend too" We accept their excuses.
For me, I tried to deny i for about 2 weeks. Then it hit me! Eventually we'll ask ourselves "I also need your help, my life is breaking down now. I tried to make an appointment with you and you were too busy but you can promise other people? They're our friend too but I though I am you best friend."
"I thought I am your best friend?"
The second stage is anger. The numbness wears off and the painful realization of the loss hits full-force. We feel angry. Lashes out at ridiculously trivial things.
For me, it was a horrible period. Most will feel regret for depending on their once best friend. Trying to fully forget that person, some, to the extend of forcing themselves to hate their best friend. Yes! To that extend.
This later evolves into a much darker emotion. One that can lead to suicide...
Despair.
"Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"
The storm of intense emotions of the second stage gives way to a period of heavy sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. This is a dangerous period. Often if not attend to, does have a high possibility to commit suicide.
I'll be lying if I say I didn't think of that. Its like a disease, constantly plaguing my mind. My exact thinking was "If my best friend treats me this bad, what more to say others? Those whom I barely know. Might as well I don't live this painful life"
After 2 months, it all just seems pointless. Everything just seems numb. But at least you can start to smile.
It took me a very long time to get to this point because the magnitude of the pain I felt was just devastating. Things will look up from here. Most will try to start a new life. Forgetting the past. And then...
Its time. Its time to let go...
Its best to let go of those who doesn't have time for you when you are decaying fast. Depending on them might be fatal one day. I got to this point almost 3 months later. It has a weird calmness. Its like you've finally forgive yourself for making the wrong choice of friend.
You've finally made peace with your inner demon...
And what remain is a broken chapter in your life, sadly sealed off so that you won't have to feel pain anymore with a special lock...
a broken heart...
The big question here is,
I'll answer with this poem...
As children bring their broken toys,
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken heart to God,
Begging He'll bring back my friend,
Instead of letting Him to work in peace,
I tried to help and increase the pace,
At last I cried out loud to God,
How could you be so slow?
"My child, my child" He said,
What could I do? You never let go.
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