The History of Punggek

Many has asked me this question "What is Punggek?" and to be honest, I never gave it a lot of thought.
But i remember my mother told me few years earlier that when I was small, I used to say the word a lot with my sister but the meaning it represent was not a good one. In the olden days, it was a taboo for kids to say bad words and we were brought up in a world where no bad word existed except the word "bad". We weren't even introduced to the word "beat" although we always got a good beating from our parents almost everday. So my mother told me that me and my sister created the word Punggek to fill the 'void' in our already limited volcabularly.

"I punggek you afterward!" is one of the example that would come out from our mean mouths. So the original meaning of Punggek is "beat". However, concerned with our creativity, my mother introduced us the the word "beat" and the word faded as suddenly as we invented it when.
But when i received a 'revelation' during SALT 1 in Brothers Bungalow to rejuvenate the word. Like in Genesis, when God breathed into Adams nostrils the breath of life, the word Punggek started to wake up in a totally different environment. Full of love, the word took another meaning in its second life.

Compassion.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I am Punggek no more

"The feeling of hopelessness is your best friend" - Red Alert 2

Quoted above, I realize that on a daily basis, it really is my best friend. Recently, I felt abandoned. I know I was selfish but I needed someone. I didn't know who to turn to. I felt betrayed.

This is what happens when we try to fill our lives. In the process, we compromise a lot in order to achieve our goals. Up to the point that we hurt so much.

Some compromise exposes one's vulnerability. Realizing it or not, we compromise bit by bit to the point that eventually, we will offer up that vulnerability in order to achieve our selfish goal to fill our lives.

I don't blame anyone for what has happen. Its all my fault to choose to lived this way. I opened up to someone.

A broken piece of glass can never be shiny as before.

A crumpled up paper won't ever be smooth again.

I am broken. I am crumpled. No one deserve me. This is not self pity. This is a self preservation. To avoid from being hurt and to avoid hurting others, I must stay away from everyone.

Unless you found that special someone, which is close to impossible, you will always be hurt, betrayed and abandoned.

Companions to laugh with is everywhere. A shoulder to cry on, to rely on? Thats impossible to find. Yes. I do not believe in a friend indeed anymore. Its a lie. A cruel lie. Better to realize it now.

Dear readers,

Please understand that if you never see me smile sincerely anymore, its just to protect me from hurting you and to prevent myself from being hurt again.

I'm still the same me. I'll still help out if anyone need me. Heck, I'll do whatever it takes if anyone needs me.

The only different is that I'll keep my sincere smile away for good. Hopefully someday, I can still use it again.

I've lost hope in finding a friend. I will never start to find one anymore.

Good bye dear sun (^_^) I'll miss you.

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