The History of Punggek

Many has asked me this question "What is Punggek?" and to be honest, I never gave it a lot of thought.
But i remember my mother told me few years earlier that when I was small, I used to say the word a lot with my sister but the meaning it represent was not a good one. In the olden days, it was a taboo for kids to say bad words and we were brought up in a world where no bad word existed except the word "bad". We weren't even introduced to the word "beat" although we always got a good beating from our parents almost everday. So my mother told me that me and my sister created the word Punggek to fill the 'void' in our already limited volcabularly.

"I punggek you afterward!" is one of the example that would come out from our mean mouths. So the original meaning of Punggek is "beat". However, concerned with our creativity, my mother introduced us the the word "beat" and the word faded as suddenly as we invented it when.
But when i received a 'revelation' during SALT 1 in Brothers Bungalow to rejuvenate the word. Like in Genesis, when God breathed into Adams nostrils the breath of life, the word Punggek started to wake up in a totally different environment. Full of love, the word took another meaning in its second life.

Compassion.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

An understanding friend...


Its a very painful fact that I have to face. I desperately needed something and it can't be delivered; from a friend.

Emotional intelligence plays a vital role. By taking into account my own need, other's capacity and the reason-ability of the situation, this can be avoided.

However we usually consider only our own need above the other two. This result into hurt feelings, inner sufferings and when there is no communication about the subject, friendships will end.

Ego only keeps things worst. It fuels the hatred, cloud logic-thinking and even worst, makes the particular person avoid contact; which might lead to a solution.

An ideal friend is a utopia. An idea, an ideal idea that is pure fantasy.

An acquaintance can be find everywhere.
A friend is rare.
A good friend is knows you.
A best friend needs you.

To me, needing someone is a weakness. It shows your vulnerability side. It allows others to take advantage of you and maybe even control you. I believed that the show of affection amplifies the vulnerability by highlighting one's weak spot.

I tried to be strong. I manage to not need anyone.

But being the human I am, its just a matter of time till I needed someone. Being strong and not needing anyone was a nightmare. It made me feel that I need nobody. That was good; but it also made me feel that nobody needed me. That is a poison, mild while premature, but as time goes by and it accumulates, I began to feel like my existence in this world is negligible, insignificant and I was at the brink of suicide. I almost committed suicide. Actually I had a few attempts in the year 2004-2005.

That was when I started to realize that needing someone was not a sign of weakness. Its just a sign that I am another human being. as the saying goes "No man is an island".

That was when I started my quest in finding a friend. Being the perfectionist that I am, I wanted to find a PERFECT friend. Someone I can rely on. Someone who will be there for me no matter what.

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12 NIV. I tried to treat that 'potential' PERFECT friend in a way I hope/want them to treat me back.

This is where the scriptures teach you another lesson. An extension to the scripture, I always say. "But never expect anything in return". I expected them to treat me the way I treated them and as a result, I got heart broken every time they did not deliver.

This particular lesson took me 5 years(and still counting) to grasp. Even now, I still cannot fully apply this lesson in a daily basis. Indeed, each time I deliver, I expect to be delivered the same way. I'm still learning to dial down my expectation towards others.

Not that I'm saying I'm much better but the expectation that someone will deliver, the high hopes that linger in my heart, as they fall to the ground, it shatters to thousand pieces. Imagine that this scenario being repeated many times over the years. If that continues, I think I will return to my previous state when I wanted to not need anyone, to protect myself, and everyone around me.

I hope to find someone. Someone who needs me. Someone who is there when I need them most.

Without me realizing, I already have that person in my life. I was too blinded by my ego, I failed to notice that person. Many times I was hurt, that many times that person was there. I succumbed to my ego, the priority of my needs and it hurts me a lot. It cost me a lot. I hope I wont repeat this ever.

At least thats what I thought.

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